Don’t mention Casablanca

My parents have a flat in the South of France which overlooks the adjacent hillside. It’s quite a pretty view punctuated by one far off neon sign. A while ago, I had a friend come to stay with us who commented on the view and how nice it was. “Shame about that neon sign though” She added.”Oh I don’t know,” my mum replied. “I quite like it. It reminds of the sign on Rick’s cafe in Casablanca.”

“I’ve never seen Casablanca.” My hapless friend replied.

My parents all but spat out their wine and stared, mouths agape. “You haven’t seen Casablanca!?” My Dad asked. “No.” She replied, innocently, oblivious to the wasps nest she was poking. “But it’s one the greatest movies of all time.” He said as though talking to a slow person. My friend shrugged. “I haven’t seen it.” My Dad stared at her with a mixture of disbelieve and nausea and my poor friend (at least she got a holiday out of it) didn’t hear the end of it for the rest of the week. I’m surprised they didn’t strap her down and make her watch it.

Whilst it was a slight overreaction on my parents part they are (for the most part) right. It is one of the greatest movies of all time and she should have seen it (she still hasn’t–probably traumatised). If for nothing else than for the scene when the Nazis start singing the German national anthem and in retaliation all the French stand up and sing La Marseillaise. It still gives me chills.

And of course there’s the relationship between Ilsa and Rick; supposedly one of the greatest love stories ever told. This, I’m not so sure about. For one thing Ilsa is the most ridiculously anti-feminist role model EVA. When she finally breaks down and admits she’s still in love with Rick and goes “Oh Rick I can’t think anymore. You have to think for both of us” it makes me want to vomit. And Rick, the typical male, chases her and chases her until she caves and tells him she loves him then all of a sudden he’s backtracking. “Uh…gee. Look, maybe you should get on the plane…for the good of the resistance of course. We’ll always have Paris *wink*”.

Oh Wick. I'm just a gooey overly emotional woman. Save me with your man-logic

It’s also one of those very special movies that is so famous that its most famous quote is actually incorrect. The words “Play it again, Sam” are never uttered by Rick…or anyone else for that matter. What he does say is “You played it for her now play it for me. If she can take it I can. Play it Sam”. So you have my permission to slap the next person who says “Play it again, Sam”. Another great (and often misremembered) quote is “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into mine”.

It’s basically a great movie even by today’s standards. Especially by today’s standards. Humphrey Bogart is just so darn cool and Ingrid Bergman is…you know, suitably swoony. Apparently actor John Gielgud once said of her “She speaks five languages and can’t act in any of them”. But then, I think you could have put a plastic doll next to Humphrey Bogart and he’d manage to pull it off. I kid, of course, she’s not that bad.

Well to wrap up my story, about year after “Casablanca Gate” I had a different friend staying with me and my parents and it was brought up again as it inevitably did anytime anyone mentioned Casablanca, France, neon sign or friend who shan’t be named. “Can you believe,” my Dad said. “That she hadn’t seen Casablanca!?”

“What’s the big deal?” My friend asked. “I haven’t…” I managed to kick her before she finished her sentence.

Here’s lookin’ at you kid.